Years ago I took a class on patents and was shown some examples of crazy patents to demonstrate that not all inventions have to work or be useful in real life in order to be granted a patent. One of these was US Patent #3,216,423 “Apparatus for facilitating the birth of a child by centrifugal force”. This was brought to mind again as Hashem Al-Ghaili recently released a video of the potential device in action that was mind blowing. To summarize the invention, it’s essentially a spinning table that literally helps pull the baby out with the same centrifugal forces you’d feel on your favorite theme park ride.

The idea of strapping a pregnant woman into this thing and slinging the baby out of her seems like a liability nightmare for a hospital. Hoping a net catches a child at 8 g’s and dealing with an umbilical cord and placenta seems to be fraught with potential issues. There’s also the fact that basically every theme park has warning signs at the entrance to any ride with any level of force prohibiting pregnant women from riding. A great example of this is the sign we saw just last week on our review of the new “Hook & Slice” spinning ride at Fun Spot America Atlanta.

This machine is designed to deliver forces up to 8 g’s or eight times the of force of gravity, similar to what a fighter pilot might feel. This is higher than the typical 4-5 g’s of forces you might feel for a second or two on your favorite roller coaster and would be enough to endure tunnel vision and even blackout as the blood rushes from the head to the lower extremities. There are some modern coasters that have broken 5 g’s according to Coasterpedia.com These include the Schwarzkopf ShockWave at Six Flags Over Texas at 5.5 g’s, Boomerang at Wild Adventures and other parks at 5.2 g’s and Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith at Disney’s Hollywood Studios at 5 g’s.

There are a number of defunct rides and coasters that exceeded 5 g’s as well, however many are estimated or rumored as they were never officially measured. The Flip Flap Railway and its circular loop was estimated to pull a crazy 12 g’s before closing in 1902 because of numerous whiplash and neck injuries! In terms of actual measured g’s, Tower of Terror (the roller coaster at in South Africa, not the Disney drop tower) used to pull 6.3 g’s before a 2007 refurbishment that lowered it to 4 g’s. However, the king of “measured” g’s was Moonsault Scramble in Japan, a shuttle coaster, that pulled 6.5 g’s prior to its 2000 closure.

If you are at all into legal and patent language the patent is a fascinating read as it describes the device with technical language full of engineering detail. The hand drawn patent figures are also comical with a basically naked cartoon woman on the device. The attention to detail with handhelds and what essentially amounts to an e-stop shows at least some level of thought with the invention.

CHILD DELIVERY APPARATUS COMPRISING A CENTRIFUGE, MEANS FOR SUPPORTING SAID CENTRIFUGE FOR ROTATIONAL MOVEMENT ABOUT A VERTICAL AXIS, MEANS FOR HOLDING THE PATIENT”S BODY AGAINST DISLOGEMENT BY THE CENTRIFUGAL FORCES CREATED IN SUCH ROTATIONAL MOVEMENT, WITH HER BODY DISPOSED RADIALLY OF SAID VERTICAL AXIS IN PROPER ATTITUDE FOR DELIVERY OF THE CHILD AND WITH HER HEAD LOCATED AT OR NEAR SAID VERTICAL AXIS, SAID HOLDING MEANS INCLUDING MEANS FOR SECURING THE PATIENT”S BODY IN PLACE ON SAID CENTRIFUGE, MEANS FOR SUPPORTING THE PATIENT”S LIMBS IN CHILD BEARING POSITION AGAINST THE CENTRIFUGAL FORCES, AND MEANS FOR SUPPORTING

US Patent #3,216,423

I sent the video of this invention to my sister (who should be giving birth to her sixth child any day now) and she responded with, “Heck No!” That’s basically been the response of every woman I’ve spoken to. Although I haven’t asked a female theme park enthusiast who might be mildly intrigued, I feel pretty safe in saying the vast majority of women think this thing is nuts. The device was invented by a couple with no children and no medical training (George Blonsky was a mining engineer) who got the idea after seeing an elephant spin in circles while giving birth. It has never been medically studied or used by anyone, even though it was invented 60 years ago, probably telling you everything you need to know.

As a family orientated theme park blog this topic may seem a bit odd (even though we’re talking about expectant mothers), however, it served as a neat opportunity to talk about g-forces on rides. On a thrill ride it’s the changes and combinations of positive and negative g’s that we find so exhilarating. Rides generally subject these to us for just a few seconds, but these are serious forces that over longer periods can have severe physical consequences. Although the “Apparatus for facilitating the birth of a child by centrifugal force” and its 8 g’s may have never have been studied or used for its intended purpose, it makes for fascinating discussion and wonders of if any other theme park technology could be used for medical purposes. There were rumors of Big Thunder Mountain at Disney helping pass kidney stones, so I guess you never know.